I TOO HAVE QUESTIONS

This month's spat with a formerly nationalised industry features British Gas. We had some work done in November so, needless to relate, I am now asked to complete a questionnaire ("How do you rate the engineer's hair cut: 1) elegant, 2) adequate, 3) average, 4) bizarre, 5) what hair cut?"). Naturally, as readers of my book Common Sense will know (see free download via the link in the right margin), I did not do the questionnaire. Instead I sent the Marketing Research Manager the following letter:

Dear Mr Sutton,

I have not attempted the enclosed questionnaire because, just as with every other questionnaire that any organisation has ever asked me to complete, its questions do not cover my case nor provide for the answers I wish to give.

We have indeed had a gas appliance repaired during the last three months. I telephoned to ask for the job to be done. The officer who dealt with me, though suffering the misfortune of a heavy cold, took down the details and tried very hard to persuade me to take out an insurance policy but, as I explained to him, the cost of this visit – the first in the more than eight years that we have lived here – would be very much less than the cost of eight years of insurance.

The appointment was quickly made, the engineer arrived as arranged and he identified and repaired the fault in short order. So far so good.

Just before Christmas, an envelope arrived bearing the British Gas logo. I assumed this to be the invoice for the work done but it was addressed to “Mr Rigby”. Alfred Rigby, the previous owner of this house, sold it to us in 1998 and has not lived here since. I understand that he has moved several times since then and we no longer have any indication of his whereabouts. It is of course against the law to open mail addressed to someone else, so I returned the envelope, writing upon it: “Return to sender: not known at this address in eight years”.

Shortly after Christmas, an identical envelope arrived. I wrote the same legend on the front and, on the back, gave a short history of the case and my account number but not my name because anyone might read the message.

You evidently do not have a system that crosschecks data in your various departments, nor one that reports discrepancies when they arise. After all, you have supplied gas in my name at this address since 1998.

Soon after that, about ten days ago, a third envelope arrived. I went to the British Gas website, got a customer services telephone number and rang it. The person picking up took my details but said that he couldn’t help me as the computer system was being changed. He passed me to a woman who, in turn and to my chagrin, required all the details to be repeated. I then explained the case. She went through the file and said she could find no record of any work being done at this address. She said I should open the envelope. I explained my reluctance. If it did turn out to be an invoice, it would be inadvisable to pay it because British Gas’s computers would not know how to interpret the discrepancy. It was British Gas’s error and I knew very well that, if I tried to finesse the system, it would be me who suffered rather than British Gas.

She told me that she was sure the envelope just contained some advertising and that I should ignore it and throw it away. I said that if I was going to throw it away, there could hardly be any harm in opening it so I did so. It was a final demand, threatening bailiffs and distraint. This sent her back into the system. After a lengthy pause, she reported back to me that she had corrected the error and that a new invoice in my name would be issued in a week. She apologised in a dignified way.

I thought the apology should come from the office that made the error, so I next telephoned the number given on the invoice. I had to explain everything again to the woman who replied and she said that she too would ensure that a correct invoice was issued and that I would receive a telephone call apologising to me in a day or two. No such call has been made. When your envelope arrived today addressed to “Mr Rigby”, I naturally thought at first that it was yet a fourth issue of the erroneous invoice, probably threatening public execution. Much against my instincts, I opened it and therein found your questionnaire. It at least gives me the opportunity to air my grievance.

I have been a British Gas customer for 40 years, long before the industry was privatised. Now that competition has entered the market, it seems you can get power from the local supermarket, the shop that formerly sold videotapes and a bloke passing on a bicycle. If you want to keep your customers, you had better buck up your ideas.

I hope this is helpful. I am still awaiting a formal apology and a correct invoice.

Yours sincerely ...

I shall of course report on any developments. I have yet to hear from Ofcom (see two entries back).